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| umm..it's been awhile again hasn't it? i've come to realize that everytime i'm on this site i'm also writing a paper cept for this time i'm also playing catch with my dog. poor baby, she's going for surgery tmw..THE surgery..the one where she will loose her innocence. I don't wanna bring her in but my mom insisted. The good thing is that olo is going with us so i don't haveta send her in by myself. he's sleeping on the couch now, and ginger, my dog, is still trying to play with him...sometimes i think she's a little slow. so another school year is yet coming to an end again and i've finally come to a decision. Since i'm still young, i've decided to try and apply as a flight attendent and perhaps continue school part-time. I know it'll piss a lot of people off but I've realized that life is not getting any younger and it is very unpredictable. i've had this conversation with many people, each have their points and i appreciate their opinions greatly. yet i just have a gut feeling about it and i'm gonna go along with my decision. i always believe that as long as you believe in something, and as long as you work towards it, you'll succeed. besides, i haven't even applied nor have anyone decides on hiring me yet LOL...but when the oppurtunity comes, i'll definately try. but for now, school still comes as a piority and i'll continue to learn and gain as much as i can from it and with that..tootles. | | |
| umm it's been awhile since i last wrote here huh..anyhow, it's the beginning of summer 2007..the weather's starting to get really hot, but i like the heat of summer more than the cold cold winter. just came home from Lynne's graduation..a few of my friends have graduated already..or are graduating this semester. me? not even. when i look back now...where did it all go wrong? probably way back to when i was in grade 12..skipping every single day..but i got lucky..i had good friends, good teachers and somehow graduated with the rest of the group. then i thought "umm..that was easy, university? psh, i'll just fluke everything and have fun for the moment" how wrong was i huh.. i continuously dropped courses after courses; fun and work became pirority. when i finally noticed how much i've messed up in school..i realized how behind i am from everyone...watching them walk across the stage makes me want to cry..1/2 because of joy, 1/2 because of lost. i've been lying to myself all these years. But i know it's never too late for anything..I've been pushing myself this semester and i will continue pushing myself. I've neglected too many important things for the last couple of years and i dont want to do that again..i dont want to let anyone down anymore..i dont want to let myself down anymore. | | |
| Yessss...finally back from Buffalo. Had an all day trip today with the fam and by the end, everyone's exhausted. I said I wasn't gonna buy anything 'cept for a bag. But we all know...THAT never happens. So we rented a van and Karen came to pick my mom and I up at 1pm. We reached back to her house and picked up my aunt, Michael and Eric. The ride wasn't bad since we were all watching dvds, which may i add, the in-car dvd player is an amazing invention. Whoever thought of it is a GENIUS! Anyhow, first stop (as always): Prime outlet. I succeed in purchasing a "school" bag from coach. We shopped around for awhile and each got something 'cept for my aunt. Then, we drove to Walden Galleria and I really wasnt planning to buy...but then there were the following irresitable stores: VICTORIA SECERET, FOREVER 21, ABERCROMBIE & FITCH, & HOLLISTER. Common!!!! I already pulled myself back from going all crazy. For those who know me well knows i dont shop often. But when the mood comes...well yea, we all know what's it like. but I did manage to restrain myself. Later on the night, we reached back to Niagara and had late night buffet at Fallsview. Spent some time there and now...home... if only i can get school done with then life is pretty much perfect for me. OH and on a brighter note: THE GIRLFRIEND IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!  | | |
| it's snowing. no acutally, let me rephrase that. it's snowing HARD..so there's a snowstorm. i wish i have some hot cocoa with marshmellows right now  at the same time though, i hope this snowstorm wont end so soon...i dont wanna go to school tomorrow! i'm totally clueless in drawing class now. it feels like i haven't done a drawing in ages! i have to put my act together and get through with this! i cant keep putting this off and expect myself to complete them all at the end...chances don't come often and oppurtunities aren't always given. i should take this and work hard for what is given to me. anyways, just gonna put some random pictures up. and even though there's no hot cocoa, im just as happy with chocolate milk =) 
> outside the home < 
>my favourite treat< 
> when i'm bored at home < 
> my new love < 
>peacee out!< | | |
| So while the rest of toronto is sleeping/heading to bed at this point, I'm back to my old self and am fully awake. Why is that?... Went to dance class today with Jan and 2 months of slacking have made it even more difficult for me. After that, I decided to do the usual, Wii at karen's. Then for the billionth time: TenRens. I did manage to get some studying done afterwards at Timmys. I should be exhausted. I can feel every inch of my body aching but i am still awake. Hence, I am back to studying...but staying awake at 6:00am eventually leads to thinking about junk. I've realized that everything is now back to basic...back to how it was before Urban...all of a sudden life feels 'normal' again. No more endless hrs of work, no more struggling emotionally with somebody else, no more "this is too much for me to handle" and definately no more why is there no time for anything. the only problem now is: "Why is money going so quickly? Shit I need to work again don't I?!" Anyhow, school has become such a big part of my life now. I feel like I'm a couple years behind but it's better to be late than have given up. I focused so much on work before, I realize now how much I've missed out at school. This semester has been fun so far, taking into account that Connie, Rita and Janette always keep me company. I'm actually going to early classes...I didnt want to jinx it before but I think I'm doing pretty well now. For once, in a very and I mean VERY long time, I feel like I am satisfied. Even from all the usual bumming at Karen's and TenRens and Timmys...I satisfied my every need (except money) I focus more on myself, what I need, what I want, who I am. Prior to this, I always put someone else forward: What they want; How they felt; Will I hurt them? Will they hurt me? Are they satisfied? Life shouldn't be that way. I care for myself and I like how things are now. Sometimes you don't need someone to be satisfied, at least not for the moment. I like how I am. I like how life is for me right now. I am happy, in my own odd and special way, that I've realized, up to today, nobody has made me feel this way before.  | | |
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